A–Z guide
Swinging, from A to Z.
The words you will meet on profiles and at parties, in plain English. If something on a profile is not here, ask the person – it is a good way to start a conversation.
A
- Aftercare
- The care partners give each other after something intense or new – a cuddle, a drink, a proper talk about how it felt. It matters just as much after a first soft swap as after anything kinky.
- Airtight
- Slang for a woman being penetrated by three men at the same time. One of the more extreme fantasies you will see on a profile – rarely what anyone means by a first meet.
- Alpha male
- A confident, dominant man. On a profile it is usually self-description, so whether the confidence comes with good manners is worth finding out in messages first.
B
- Baby swinger
- Someone new to the lifestyle. It is not an insult – plenty of couples would rather meet people who are new too, and learn together.
- Bareback
- Sex without a condom. Many swingers treat it as a firm no with anyone outside their relationship. Agree it before you meet, never in the moment.
- Boundaries
- The limits each person sets for a meet, agreed in advance. A boundary can be tightened at any point; it should only ever be loosened when both partners have said yes.
- Bull
- A man, usually confident and experienced, who has sex with a woman in a couple while her partner watches or knows about it. Common in hotwife and cuckold arrangements.
C
- Compersion
- The happiness of seeing your partner enjoy someone else – the opposite of jealousy. Many couples grow into it rather than feel it from the start.
- Couple seeking
- Profile shorthand followed by who the couple wants to meet: “couple seeking female”, “couple seeking couple”. Read it as a filter – messages from outside it rarely get an answer. More →
- Cuckold
- Someone, usually a man, who gets pleasure from their partner having sex with another person – sometimes watching, sometimes hearing about it afterwards. The female version is a cuckquean.
D
- Discretion
- Keeping what happens, and who you met, private. On a swinging site it is the baseline: no names, photos or details shared outside, ever.
- DP
- Double penetration – a woman penetrated by two partners at once.
- DTF
- “Down to f***” – up for sex. Common on hookup-style profiles; on a swinging profile it still does not replace talking first.
E
- Eiffel Tower
- A threesome position: a woman with one man behind her while she gives oral sex to another. The name comes from the shape the two men make if they high-five.
- Ethical non-monogamy
- The umbrella term, often shortened to ENM, for any relationship where everyone knows about and agrees to other partners. Swinging, open relationships and polyamory all sit under it.
- Exhibitionism
- Enjoying being watched. In clubs it often just means playing in a room with the door open. Watching is the other half – see voyeurism.
F
- Facial
- Ejaculating on a partner’s face. Like everything else on a profile, ask before assuming it is on the menu.
- FMF
- A threesome of two women and one man. Its mirror image is MFM.
- Full swap
- Each couple has full sex with the other’s partner, agreed beforehand by all four. A full-swap profile is not a promise for every meet.
- FWB
- Friends with benefits – regular sex with a friend, without a romantic relationship.
G
- Gangbang
- One person, usually a woman, with several partners in turn or at once. Normally carefully planned, with a host, ground rules and condoms.
- Ghosting
- Stopping replying without a word. It happens; take it as a no and move on rather than chasing.
- Gloryhole
- A hole in a wall or partition for anonymous oral sex, found in some clubs.
H
- Hall pass
- Permission from your partner to play with someone else on your own – for one night, or as a standing arrangement.
- Hard swap
- Another name for full swap.
- Hosting
- “Can host” means they have somewhere private to meet; “can’t host” means you will need a hotel or a club. One of the first practical questions in any chat.
- Hotwife
- A woman in a relationship who has sex with other men with her partner’s knowledge and encouragement. Unlike cuckolding, the focus is usually on her confidence and pleasure.
I
- ID verified
- A member who has proved who they are. On Swinging Site verification is free, and verified members carry a Verified badge on their profile. More →
- IRL
- In real life – meeting in person rather than chatting online.
J
- Jealousy
- Normal, even for couples who have swung for years. Agree a signal to stop, check in afterwards, and treat it as something to talk about – not proof the lifestyle is not for you.
K
- Key party
- The 1970s party where men drop their car keys in a bowl and the women each pick a set to go home with. More legend than practice today.
- Kink
- Any sexual interest outside the mainstream, from mild role play to BDSM.
L
- Lifestyle
- What swingers call swinging. Being “in the lifestyle” means you swing, or are open to it.
- Limits
- Hard limits are things you will never do; soft limits are maybes, with the right person on the right night. Saying both out loud saves a lot of awkwardness.
M
- Manicorn
- A single man couples are glad to meet because he respects their rules – as rare, the joke goes, as a unicorn.
- Meet and greet
- A no-pressure first meeting, usually a drink somewhere public, to see whether there is any chemistry. Nothing is expected beyond the drink.
- MFM
- A threesome of two men and one woman, with the woman at the centre of it.
- Monogamish
- Mostly monogamous, with occasional agreed exceptions.
N
- Newbie
- See baby swinger.
- No-kissing rule
- Some couples keep kissing for each other only. It is one of the most common rules, so ask rather than find out the hard way.
- Non-monogamy
- See ethical non-monogamy.
O
- On-premises club
- A club with play areas, where sex can happen on site. An off-premises club is social only: you meet there and go elsewhere.
- Open relationship
- Each partner can see other people, often separately. In swinging, couples usually play together.
- OPP
- One penis policy: a couple where he is the only man involved, so they meet women only.
- Oral
- Oral sex – using the mouth on a partner’s genitals.
P
- Pansexual
- Attracted to people regardless of gender.
- Parallel play
- Couples having sex next to each other without swapping partners.
- Play party
- A private party, often in someone’s home, where guests know sex is likely and the host sets the rules.
- Polyamory
- Having more than one loving relationship at a time, with everyone’s knowledge – often shortened to poly. Swinging tends to be about sex; polyamory about relationships.
Q
- Quad
- Four people in a relationship together, often two couples.
R
- Reclamation sex
- Sex between partners after one or both have played with someone else – a way of reconnecting.
- Red flag
- A warning sign: pushing to meet straight away, asking for money, refusing a video chat, or ignoring a no. If you spot one, block and report. More →
- Regulars
- The familiar faces at a club or party scene. Getting to know them is half the fun of going back.
S
- Same room
- Couples play in the same space, close enough to see each other. Its opposite is separate room, where couples split up and come back together afterwards.
- Single male
- A man joining on his own. A complete profile and good manners matter more for single men than for anyone else here. More →
- Soft swap
- Anything short of full sex with another couple – kissing, touching, oral. Where the line sits varies from couple to couple, so it is always worth asking.
- SRNS
- Same room, no swap: couples play in the same room but only with their own partner.
- Swinging
- Couples, and some singles, having sex with other people, together and by agreement, as part of a committed relationship.
T
- Taking one for the team
- Playing with someone you are not attracted to so your partner can enjoy themselves. Better avoided – everyone in the room should want to be there.
- Third
- A single person who joins a couple.
- Threesome
- Sex between three people. See FMF and MFM.
- Throuple
- Three people in an ongoing relationship together, rather than a one-off meet.
U
- Unicorn
- A single woman who joins couples – so called because couples looking for one far outnumber the women who are. More →
- Unicorn hunting
- Couples looking for a single woman. Unicorns get a lot of messages, so a couple who is polite and patient stands out.
- Upside-down pineapple
- A pineapple turned upside down – on a doormat, a T-shirt or a cruise cabin door – is said to signal swingers.
V
- Vanilla
- Conventional sex, or people outside the lifestyle.
- Verification
- See ID verified.
- Voyeurism
- Enjoying watching other people have sex, with their consent. Clubs often have rooms set up for it.
W
- Well-endowed
- Having a larger-than-average penis.
- Wife poacher
- A man who tries to lure a woman away from her couple. A quick way to get blocked.
- Wingman
- A friend who helps someone meet people – in swinging, sometimes a partner doing the introductions.
X
- XO
- Hugs and kisses – a friendly sign-off, not an offer.
Y
- Yes / no / maybe list
- A list of activities each partner marks yes, no or maybe, then compares. One of the simplest ways for a couple to agree what is on the table before a first meet.
Z
- Zero pressure
- How every meet should feel: nobody owes anyone anything, before or during, and anyone can change their mind at any point.
The three words that matter most
- Talk. Every term here means slightly different things to different people. Ask what someone means by it.
- Consent. Agreed before you meet, and anyone can change their mind on the night.
- Pace. Go as slowly as the most cautious person in the room. Read more on our safety page.
Know the words?
Now meet the people.
Free to join · free ID verification · 18+