Messages that get replies.

Get your profile ready first

Before you send anything, look at your own profile the way a stranger will – because the first thing anyone does when your message arrives is tap through to it. A blank profile with no photo makes even a great message look like a time-waster.

Write a few honest lines: who you are, what you are hoping to find, how experienced you are and what is off the table. Add recent photos – faces can stay private until you trust someone. Then get the Verified badge; it is free, and it is often the difference between a reply and silence.

Read their profile properly

The fastest way to be ignored is to message someone whose profile says they are not looking for you. If a couple says they only meet women, a single man’s message is not going to change their minds – and it makes them less likely to read the next one.

Look for who they want to meet, what they are into, their rules and anything they have written in their own words. That last part is gold: it gives you something real to reply to.

Write a first message worth answering

A good opener is short, specific and easy to reply to. Aim for three things:

• Something from their profile. Show you read it: a shared interest, a line that made you laugh, somewhere you both know.
• A little about you. One or two sentences – who you are and why you think you might click.
• A question. Something they can answer in a line, so replying feels easy.

Compare “Hi, fancy meeting?” with “You mentioned you’re new and want to start with a drink – we were exactly the same last year. What made you decide to give it a go?” One gets deleted; the other gets a conversation.

Free members can send a few messages a day, so make each one count rather than sending the same line to everyone. Free members can always reply when a VIP member writes to them.

Writing as a couple – or to one

If you are a couple, decide who writes and sign off as both of you, so the other person knows they are talking to a pair who agree. If you are messaging a couple, write to both of them, not just the one in the photos who caught your eye.

Single men in particular get judged on this: a message that ignores the male partner, or treats him as a hurdle, ends the conversation before it starts.

Keep the conversation going

Match their pace. If they reply once a day, do not send five messages in an hour. Ask about what they enjoy, what they have tried and what their limits are – the answers tell you whether you are a match long before you meet.

Let things get flirty when they lead it, not before. Never send explicit photos unless they have asked for them, and never share anyone else’s photos or details – discretion is the rule everyone relies on.

Move from chat to a meet

When the conversation is flowing, suggest a meet and greet – a drink somewhere public, nothing expected. Offer a couple of times and let them choose. A quick video call first is a good idea for everyone; it proves people are who they say they are.

If they are not ready, say that is fine and mean it. Pushing for a date is one of the biggest red flags members look out for.

Handle no – and silence – well

Not every message gets an answer, and that is normal. People are busy, already talking to someone, or simply not feeling it. Take silence as a no, and never send a follow-up asking why.

When you need to say no yourself, be kind and brief: “Thanks for the message – we don’t think we’re the right match, but good luck.” If someone is rude or will not take no for an answer, block them – it is instant – and report them so moderators can step in.